is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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