ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
