One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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