Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
...so i touched it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
