This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
