im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
