belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize