I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
