i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
