so that wasnt chicken after all
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
