she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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