I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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