ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
everyone is single if you try hard enough
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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