You can't special order awesome
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
