We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
