he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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