last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
