Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
