dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
