I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
