dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
worst night to have a conscience
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
