hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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