I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize