Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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