apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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