Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
