His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
