yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
