she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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