I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
