Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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