Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
