My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
