you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
