Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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