my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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