I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize