My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
