You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
