My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
