I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You smell like stripper and shame
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have aggressive nipples.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
