2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
