im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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