Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is Oprah even human
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
