those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
