It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
