So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
