Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
