I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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