I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hippo gnu deer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
