you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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