i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
