Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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