So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
