Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
