When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
