Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
