How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
