he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
