Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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