WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
