pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
