I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
