Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
