I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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