Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
