Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
