I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are the jesus of drinking
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
