At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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