Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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